Shibb

The Wizard of Shib OZ

2009-06-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

One day a huge tornado decided to hit a poor ass little town in Kansas. Some chick named Dorthy and her little dog named "To-To" happened to be in the only house that got sucked up the tornado. Instead of the house (and Dorthy) being ripped into millions of pieces, "the powers that be" decided they would send the house into another dimension. The house landed on top of a witch that had no sense of footware fashion. Unfortunately the house missed her shoes. Anywho... Dorthy found out quickly that this dimension wasn't your typical parallel universe gig that writer's that aren't on drugs come up with. No this was the methextacy kinda crap like the Alice in wonder land guy. There were house sized flowers, little gnome punks, Escher architecture, and Europeans. Anyways she found out from some ugly Lollipop guildies that if any one could get her back to her poverty stricken town it would be some wizard in the Emerald City. Which, to get to, she would have to take a yellow brick road there, and pay the lollipop dudes a buck-tree-fity for the info. She met a crack-head Scarecrow that decided to join her on her journey to see the wizard to get off crack once and for all. Shortly after, she met a cool tin art peice of a lumber jack that made noise, but she didn't really have time to stop and check it out, (To-To peed on it). She also came across a lion that scared the crap outta them but the crack-head scarecrow Glocked his ass down. Then they took a break in an opium field and had some good laughs. They hilucinated, seeing flying monkeys. Dorthy had a bad trip and threw some Hydrocloric acid, she was water, on a mailman she thought was a witch. And then finally got to the Emerald City. There she got to meet some nerd projecting himself impersonating a giant floating head (Which is what I think of when I think of a powerful being....). She comes to find it's the "wizard" and they had what she was looking for to get home, back on the feet of the dead witch in the creepy gnome place. So she said frig it I'll just stay here, home sucked anyways. So she started her own opium shop in Emerald City and was successful. The scare crow checked himself into rehab but ended up blowing his brains out because he couldn't take it. To-To met a bulldog that bore him 5 beautiful puppies.

THE END.

Alittle push to keep bloggin.

2009-05-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

So I got an invite to blend my shenanigans with some fellow bloggers. Which might inspire me to start writing on this blog some more. Weird how sometimes all you need is a little push when your on the"HIGH WIRE OF NOT BLOGGIN NO MORE"... and thats all it take to send you falling straight down into the "HORRIBLE MAN EATING ZEBRA PIT OF "OK FINE I BLOG AGAINESS".

I think my blog is less about thinking and more just getting the stuff floating around my head out... I less seizures and aneurysms that way. *drools*

So most my new stuff,I'm sure, will be on the new blog with my buddies. It takes a little more thinking then mine... http://tradersargot.blogspot.com/...

Inspired by the creative spirit of writing, for the creative spirit of people that read writing, because with out creative writing we got the dictionary, and useless crap like that...

"I am such a freakin GENIUS of a smart man!"
-Albert Einstien
though no one ever recorded him saying it...I'm sure he said it at least once... or something like.

Call for prayer

2008-09-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

I am on the dark side

I need to be on the promised bright side

Kinda hard to see the bright side when the power of darkness is a solidly blocking your veiw.

Searching

2008-09-24T16:04:00.001-07:00

When you are lookin for God.
Close your eyes. Stick you fingers in your ears.
Stop breathing. Go numb. Cause every thing is a distraction.

Oldies butt goodies...

2008-09-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

So one day you will wake up and find wrinkles hangen from your body like cow utters. Hair will be bulgin outta your ears and nose like Larry's hair from the three stooges. Your adventures now will consist of walking across the street, talking to hooligan teenagers, and playing cards. Looking at yourself naked in the mirror you'll see a striking similarity between yourself and Jabba The Hut before a skin tuck after a Liposuction. People play music to loud for you, but nothing is loud enough for you to understand. BUT!

I saw my friends Tyler and Jen Troutman's infant the other day.

I think this stage of life is abit more scary. I'm glad your memories are erased from this one.

Everything is new. Your five senses even are new. You feal soft and not soft, hot and cold. New sensations now in your life? Could you imagine! All of a sudden God say's "Let there be a new feeling of tempeture...Hot cold warm aaaaannnd Smarfickle" ........Your arms go limp, feel inside out, tickle alot, and also have the opposite of pins and neeedles. Weird right? New senses that's just weird.

Tyler says Boaz(his son) doesn't like baths. Well that's because to him it is new. I would scream if a giant picked me up, stripped me naked, and put me in a white pan full off warm water. It would take sometime to get used to.

They can't hold there own head up. Imagine your head all of a sudden weighing 80 pounds!

They don't even know they control their own hands. They don't even know they are part of their hands. They probably generate a relationship with it before they realize it's part of them. I probably got all pissed at it when i was an infant. "GET OUTTA MY FACE!!! Leave me alone! I'm sucking on you that'll show you."
"aw that feels nice, I love you lets never fight again."

I know, I'm weird right. Seriously think about it though, nothing is familiar.

I take getting old over being an infant any day.

Then I also liked this one...

Hi,

I have heard rumors that people have read my post and not really understood the total and obvious genius behind it. Well maybe not genius in an Einstein sort of way but certainly a Ethel Merman kinda way. I wasn't all ways an Ethel Merman genius or EMG. It all started when I was 6 years of age. *Harp plays and screen waves out into a memory*

Mother enters stage right holding a defrosted dripping wet octopus in one hand and a spaghetti stainer in the other. Joe is on the floor playing with a batter powered ninja turtle remote control car. He is pushing the car manually because the battery is being charged-stage left

Mom: (southern accent)Joeeeeey did yall make sure yu cleaned this room a' yours?
Joe: VVrrrrrrrooom vr Vrooooooooom(car sounds) What mommy? I can't hear you I'm in the Ninja turtle van.
Mom: Cute hun, but if yall dont clean dis gosh durn mess you ain't getting an squanjealii tonight boy.
Joe: Alright mommy I'm just gonna go put in the batteries and then clean room.

Joe goes stage left to unplug the battery charger

Mom: Alrigh Joey, dinner will be ready as soon as this mess is up. Hurry though the family is alread-...

Mother trips on a black jeep hot wheel on the floor, the octopus(dripping wet) goes flying toward the socket and lands on Joe's hand and the copper plug. A wave of purple energy engulfs Joe's left arm, and His right arm still on the Ninja turtle truck has a wave of ooze green energy. The energies clash toward the head region. The sound of electricity is so intense it alarms the people next door. Joe jerks hard then falls to the ground smoking. the power surge end's. The looney toons theme song can faintly be heard coming from a T.V in another room. His eye's open but he is not the same.

*Harp plays and screen waves out of memory* Yeah, if I remember correctly which I'm not sure I do, my EMG started around that time of my life....but anyways I promise I will try and make the next post make sence.

2008-09-07T21:57:00.000-07:00

Guys I know I have been depressing to talk to. I hate talking to someone that is smugg and bitter and cranky and spiteful and talking smack about God. I'm also aware most of you come to my blog for a good laugh. It's just really hard to stay funny when your lost and you literally have nothing to bring you back, and God is silent. Worship is like an empty cave. Depression screams for death to claim you. Every decision you make leaves you feeling hopeless. Every word of encouragement is like salt water feeling good temporarily quenching thirst but later drives you crazy. How do I go on? I beg for every heart beet to be my last.

24 and my quest for a personal relationship with Jesus the Christ has left me here now.

I wanna BE FUNNY AGAIN! I wanna lift your spirits when you check my blog. I want my wife to have a normal husband. I need a brake through and I don't know how to began helping myself. He is all I want. I'm sorry for all the crappy blog posts.

Love just beyond my finger tips.

2008-08-31T21:01:00.000-07:00

The passion to Love in me is has burnt out my will to live.

A fiery desire to be intimate with my creator has left me black and scared,

Like the tip of a great snow peaked volcano.

Like a rain forest that has had no rain for months,

I wither while every thing inside me suffers.

The desires of my heart will be the death of me.

The beauty I desire is out of my aching hearts reach.

De Los Rios e:imanrtst@hotmail.com

Dear Jesus please show me why I should not quit.

Braille

2008-08-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

Braille is in weird place.... the funniest though had me laugh in the mens room. The baby changing station. Weird...

Whats next:

A meat slicer?

Write "do not touch" on the blade of a knife.

A dart board?

Stearing wheel of a car?

Batters Cage.

Fire hydrant?

What I really mean when I say "I'm hangin in there"

2008-08-19T21:58:00.001-07:00

Pearls of Wisdiz... RATED PG-13

2008-08-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

When life gives you lemons... just remeber spit the seeds out after you take a bite so your insides aren't ripped to shreds by lemon seeds of pain and sadness...and stuff.
Did I butcher that saying?

Photo by Georgios M. W.

I meant view life's glass half full...unless it is full of shit, then you should almost certainly see it half empty...and ask the person closest to you if they know why in the hell there is poop in your lemonade cup...

BRAINS!

2008-07-19T22:20:00.001-07:00

My brain is weird....understatement....MY BRAIN (Joe's brain) is a strange one in how it gives the power to think outside the box. It's like......... well....

Idea's bounce around my head in very strange manner. Kinda like a rubber bouncy ball used in a ping pong ball match between two High strung speed addicted tiny midget Asians with ADD, in a small room with no gravity during an earthquake.

Lets say the table in the match is the normal "inside the box thinking". The ball may land there a lot,but usually... it ain't on the table.

(You need meds...)

WHO SAID THAT!

Now in the process of coming up with the little picture...LOL midget Asians. .... sorry....

Now in the process of coming up with the little picture I painted of how my brains work, the original concept it came up with had dwarf hamsters in a hamsters ball playing ping pong.

Then to Gunnie pigs Playing against asians. . .

Then to Asians vs. Asians

So yeah There was also lightsabers, gorillas, bannannas, goofy, donald, Moe, Curley and half a dozen dancing ladies that wanted to jump into the picture, but I think to avoid my becoming bored while telling you all this I will just say-

Midget Asains Playing ping pong with bouncy balls = kinda Joe's brains.

Shooting fireworks is fun

2008-07-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

FIREWORKS

This seems to be the world wide way to celebrate big events. I suggest we switch things up. Why ?
Because I must.

Cow tipping. Nothing rings in the new year like a good ol cow tip. Imagine farmers selling cows doped on sleeping pills to the general populace so they could tip em' There would probably sell plastic cows at the store. Oh and the whole ball dropping thing could be a cow dropped into a pool of milk from the same height as the ball. SPLASH!

What is with the ball dropping thing in New York? Just sounds wrong.

Your dog says that your butt stinks.

2008-06-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

Pet psychic communication

I want my five bucks back.

Where is He?

2008-06-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

The question that I have asked myself since I can remember is where is God. This God I chose to follow that is invisible that His people stick up for with such intense Love that some are willing to literally be boiled alive to prove it.
Since I have been a little one I have had this burning desire to know Him. I have given Him praise, and have tried the best I can, through what I know, to devote my life to Him. Even I know my best is lame but what more can I give than my best. It seems He knows it is lame cause since I have been a little guy He has yet to reveal himself to me. In every attempt to be close this last year it seems to have only pushed me further in the long run. My relationship with Him so far seems so horrible....actually I think it is(Though I know I'm wrong). I have as much as the next guy. My zeal for God has had me shouting His name in passionate affection and also saying F-U to him in the midst of feeling rejected by Him(cause it hurts being stood again and again.)

I chased after Jesus and got nothing to show for it except huge piles of pain, and rejection. Just like someone that doesn't believe and chases after the things of this world. I feel empty, I feel blind, and lost.

So right now people's advice is this. Just live. People that love me say it in a variety of ways but the gist of it is..... Just... live...

I still know He is good and He Loves me, but what if I can't hold on any longer?

Two guys in a corner , two corpses , two snipers(somewhere), two open briefcases, and two smaller locked briefcases

2008-06-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

The sky is now black and starless. A street light flickers as bugs fly around it as if the meaning of life was to get into the core of it. A slight breeze passes through the blocked off streets that are only open to locals. Mike and Will stand facing each other. The lasers that were on them are now no where to be found. The two men pace slowly toward the briefcases next to Jesse's corpse. Both kneel down next to the brown one facing each other still. Jesse's ipod can be heard playing laughter from the song Lunatic by Pink Floyde.

"How we gonna do this Will?" Mike says softly, obviously not as confident as he had been all night. "We both have snipers. Which means you had two people outside work'n for you. Pat and whoever the crap this is."

POP POP POP POP POP! Bullets fly over head and the two through themselves to their the faces hugging the ground in terror. None of the bullets hit them and none hit near by.

A good five minutes go by. Then Mike and Will both jump up and run to Jesse's body grabbing guns and briefcases, one of each at the same time. Neither bother to point their guns anywhere.

Will breaks the silence, "This is the time for you to do your part Mike. Whether your bro is the victor in the sniper fight or not either way you gotta open it."

" Well I guess I could just phone him." Mike sets down the small brown briefcase, pulls out his cell phone and speed dials his older brother John. "Well I guess you win man. I'm getting his machine."

"I'll call Kyle and see if he answers." Will sets down his black briefcase and pulls out his phone waits for answer.

"You got Kyle Hancock!? Gosh you were gonna go three ways anyway? What the heck man!? Mike, raging red in the face, raises the glock he'd picked up to Wills head.

"Yeah Kyle, if he shoots me we don't get anything so make sure if I die that he goes down, if he doesn't have it open in under a minute shoot him in the leg. " Will hangs up the phone and looks at Mike. "That's your cue to open it bro. I promise I'll let you live if you open it..... Promise.... I will even give you a small 100,000 dollar cut of this."

Mike still red in the face bends down and opens the brown briefcase. Inside is another key.

Will picks up the black briefcase walks over to Mike and takes the key out of the opened case.

The door to the building opens and out comes the owner. He locks the door and and walks to his car. Unlocks it and then looks up at them.

Mike and Will both look at him both still holding a gun. Bodies in bloody puddles on both sides.

The owner just shakes his head in disgust, hops in his car and drives off.

The two stare at each other sort of dumb founded. Will puts the key in the lock on the black briefcase, but before he opens the case he pulls out a remote and presses a red button. A window three stories up a building behind Mike explodes.

Mike falls to the ground again in fear.

Will looks at Mike and says very calmly. "Kyle and I always had wack'n Pat in mind. Your brother John beat us to it. God rest his soul....Anyways I had planted the c4 where I knew Kyle would be cause I figured he would just off me when we finished our "foolproof" security system for this freaking thing. I alway had a plan for getting 100% of the profit...So I apologize Mike."

Will Points the Mac10, Mike once had, and empties the clip into Mikes chest. He drops the gun and leans over to the black briefcase he turns the key. He pauses for a long while and then recites in a whisper..."25 11 14.....25 11 14........25 11 14." Cop sirens can be heard in the distance. He opens the case .

Inside was mostly c4 but in the center laid a flawless diamond about the size of a toddlers fist. It had been wrapped up in wire that if ripped out would cause an explosion that would wipe out every thing in thirty yards in every direction. A timer was trigged upon opening the case. It was counting down from 1 minute. Only his password could disable it.

Hands trembling with fear and excitement he quickly hits 25 11 and 17. The numbers jump from 46 seconds to 26 seconds. Will takes a deep breath and Focuses... wipes his free sweaty hand and trys again.

*19 seconds*

25

Cops wipp around the corner and pull up close seeing the bodies next an armed man.

*15 seconds*

11

"Freeze!" Two cops says say guns out at Will.

Will throws his gun to the side.

*6 seconds*

"We are all gonna die if I don't hit something here!"

*2 seconds *

His index finger hits the one button and hits it twice with a shaking hand. . . . . Accidentally.

WoW(World of Warcraft)

2008-06-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

Oh God how I love them.

2008-05-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

God's private Italian Wop Reserve
Those of you that don't know these monkeys are my brothers Mike and John(< there single ladies)
and the cutie on top is my Lil sister Rachael(
And if you just browsing that gorgeous guy on the bottom is me...(I think they sqeezed a fart outta me in this picture....I seem to recognize that expression on my face.)

God is good. To say the absolute least.

2008-05-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

I am a man in agony everyday. I have tried and tried and tried to make a connection with Him in my "Quiet times", in my searching of the Word, in my prayer life, and in worship. Now I would be a liar to say absolutely nothing has ever happened in those times but I would be lying still if I had told you He has connected to me in a way that impacted me in a way I feel is worthy of who He is. I am obsessed with Him. I find that in my screaming for Him ,even at my peek giving every last drop of energy to shout to Him, I am sorely disappointed with how much of Him I am missing. So I am lost. Trying to find Him. He is everywhere and He isn't lost. I am, in the palm of his hand(though nothing in me says so.) All my hopes and dreams are shattered like glass on concrete. All that I am can salvage in the mess is a singles shard of glass that seems to be jammed in my pointer finger squirting out globs of blood. The glass piece is this ,God is good and He Loves me. My pastor says everything in life no matter what your going through comes after that. No matter what God is good and He loves you. Even though I don't feel it...it is true. Even though I don't see it...it is true. Even if at times I don't believe it... it is still just as true. So Just remember where ever your at...(Even Adolph Hitler gun in mouth ready to end it after being responsible for the holocaust of Gods chosen people still had that reality for Him(though I don't think he knew it)

Anyways what I am saying is I am messed up. I am mad at God for not revealing Himself to me, for not healing when given the opportunity, for not delivering my family from debt, for a shizzy load of stuff...

But I am writing tonight to declare.
Jesus Christ, The I Am , The Holy Spirit is good. Glorious , holy, perfect, the essence of true Love, and the author and finisher of my faith. He is the keeper of my being. I love Him and He Loves me.

Now if only that would manifest in a tangible way ...(He's good)
If only I could feel His presence. ....(He Loves me)

Four men standing at this corner now...and i guess there is a sniper near by.

2008-05-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

"So what now?" Jesse asks hands in the air, now looking at the red dot on the mans head in front of him.

"RiiIIiight like you don't know Jesse." Mike says glaring hands in the air, one still holding the coveted black briefcase. "Dude's you need a combination to open this from each of us."

Will cuts in. "What we do now, Jesse, is call off your sniper"

"What sniper?" Pat says guns in his hands shaking.

Mike laughs hards, hands still raised. "Dang guys we all shoulda thought this through a little bit more.

"What sniper!?" Pat screams

"Oh yeah, Pat. There is a laser sight on your head I wouldn't move...Guys I'm lowering my hands I'm getting tired of holding this friggen thing. "Mike drops his hands and walks over to Jesse. "Jesse if you would be so kind as to open the briefcase with your combo. I don't know how this is gonna turn out but we might as well get the ball rolling"

"No freakin way man. I know I am dead as soon as I open it, you will just signal your sniper to shoot me."

"What? I thought he was your sniper Jesse." Will says dropping his hands too.

Mike crackles. "This is ridiculous." Everyone turns back trying to spot the sniper. Roof tops , open windows, dark alleys, and cars stare back and every hiding spot seemed like it had a sniper behind it. Pat drops his guns, and stares hard out in the distance. "So if it isn't your sniper Jesse and Will is with Pat, then this..."

"Must be the friggen gorgeous chick you were talking to." Jesse interrupted "Let me guess, you got your little sister here to make it a 50/50 split"

*Pop! Pssss*

A missed of red.

Pat falls onto on his back, hands out, gun in each, with a hole in his forehead. A bigger hole leaked red gooeyness from the back of his head that turned into a puddle of blood.

"Or maybe it is Will's sniper and the sniper and Will are going 50/50."

"Maybe, but either way Pat's part in bringing the brown briefcase is over, and we still need the three of us to get what we need from Mr Black briefs." Will says walking cautiously over to the brown briefcase on top of poor dead Pat's car. " Question is, how do we do this? I could say that the sniper out there isn't mine cause I have the last combination we need to git at the good stuff. So why wouldn't I just wait till you both did your part before I assigned the sniper to to start shooting. " Will picks up the brown brief case. and looks and Jesse "Open up Mr. Black briefs."

"No way"

Mike pulls out his Mac 10 and points it at Jesse "Do it or I will shoot you."

*Pop!*

Mike get shot in the foot. "ShIZZY!" HE falls holding his foot. "SHIB SHIB SHIB this hurt like a mother shibber!"

"Jesse it gotta be your sniper, your the only possible person this guy is benefiting.

Jesse holds the black briefcase and the laser sight moves to his foot. He reaches into his pocket pulls out his iPod. Goes into oldies-Pink Floyde-Dark Side of the Moon-Money. "What the hell." Jesse opens the the Black brief case. Opens it and pulls out a smaller replica of the same brief case briefcase. A golden complex key is duct taped to it. Jesse rips it off, walks over to Will and opens the large brown Briefcase with the key. Inside is a smaller brown brief case replica. Jesse grabs it and kneel down to Mike. "Mike this is your combo."

"So what this is your sniper?"

"Yes guys it's my sniper, lets just get this over with no one else has to die." Jesse drills Mike with a stare. "Open it."

*Pop! psst*
Blood splats on the sidewalks.

Jesse falls over dropping the smaller brown and black briefcases. A super confused look is frozen on Jesse's dead white face.

"I guess that is your sniper?" Will asks

"Yeah I got one too." Mike says standing and pulling out a blood capsule from his shoe. 'I knew Jessy would pull crap like this so I decided too git my friend John to scope out the area for danger. He was the "hot chick" He told me he found and killed Jesse's sniper. Then said how it was gonna go down and said to sound real convincing when the capsule went off."

The laser makes it way to Will's head. "There is a problem though Mike."

"What you talkn bout Willis?"

Will looks down at the ground. Mike follows his gaze. Another red dot moves over Jessy's corpse up onto Mikes chest.

"Oh."

Crazy!?

2008-05-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

Mom says I should see a nutritionist...

John McFatty?

2008-05-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know...

Don't ask.....

2008-05-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

Faith.
What is it?
No one has ever given me the correct answer.
Everyone is so quick to say have faith and nobody can tell me what faith is.
The substance of things hoped for?
What in the name of John Mcfatty does that mean.
If that is what faith is then, SUBSTANCE, by definition is a noun.
Everyone tells me it is a verb.
I don't know.
I have never scene the fruit of faith.
I have scene the fruit of Love, and of hope.
Not faith though.

I am standing on the brink of life and death.
All of my hope for life is totally out of my hands and in His.
I Love others but it isn't nearly enough to keep me from wanting to live another day.
Faith in all things has let me down.
God though...
I don't know.

Beauty has escaped me. I have settled for less and got less.
I have aloud myself to go down a path that I thought would have at least some earthly reward.
I am not seeing any.
So if any of you people out there in blog world have a solution.
Tell me.
What is it I gotta do to get out of this jam I am in.
To give you a good idea of where I am at.
Nothing is beyond me as far as where my minds filth and perversive nature goes.
I am lost with no compass or map.
Every attempt to get close to God is like taking a hammer to my body soul and spirit.
My heart literally hurts.
The pleasures of life are gone.
It's like I already lost my mind, like I am already crazy, and God sat by and watched my pursuit of a relationship git tore up and ravaged by anything and everything.
Even the pursuit itself.

Cold Night

2008-04-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

Where is the Rider of the white horse in the midst of hell on earth.
How far will The Good Shepard let his sheep go astray.
What will The Father do when His son runs away after feeling neglected.
Why does an adopted son of God, that has been brought and paid for, find himself longing for his Master to deliver him from a darkness the leaves him hurting and not feeling joy or peace.

A man his whole life wanted to be close to God.
Wanted to hear His voice.
Wanted to see His face.

Now he is lost.
Now he is longing.
Now he is hurting.

Still He has yet to reveal His face.
Still He has yet to speak clearly.
Still He holds back what this man so desperately craves.

The mans heart aches.
The mans heart bleeds.
The mans heart starts going black.

I cry out to God.

Silence screams back.

Dear Jesus Christ my Savior save me from myself. . .

Human

2008-04-25T23:31:00.001-07:00

Crowds fill the sidewalks, horns blar, the subways roll on underneath the busy streets.
Guys checkout girls, girls pretend to not care. Moms and Dads go to work, kids go to school and play sports. No one is quite sure what to make of this life but they all do one thing in common. They fill the role of themselves to whatever end this life lets them. They stretch for the next thing hoping it's better. They hold onto whatever they can that makes them want to wake up the next day. Love, faith, and hope always have hate, fear, and despair at their heels. The world spins in circles. So do the hearts and minds of this incredible yet feeble race.

When you have reached the end of your rope and let go hoping that God will catch you, just remember. God generally is up higher then you so you should have never let go to fall down into the depths where all to often darkness reigns.

The mind can be corrupted by sin, and if your sinning, chances are your mind already is.

The heart is retarded, it keeps beating even when going through a torture that will stop eventually.

You think you have free will? Well guess what it's an illusion. No, I'm dead serious... it is.

But....Jesus Loves you.
He always will.
Love never fails.
So Don't let my crappy view on life make you depressed or feel you gotta fix me.
I'm just not on tonight I guess.

3 dudes... a corner.... aaaah make this installment number...4?

2008-04-15T22:25:00.001-07:00

Jesse and Mike stand face to face. Mike smiling. Jesse drilling dead serious. Rain drops
start real light. The wind picks up.

"Shib..." Mike says as he breaks the stair. Pulling the briefcase in close to his chest.

"I'm gonna ask one more time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Who was that Mike?"

Will walks out the building in big strides towards them. "You guys He called! He said he would be here in ten minutes and to forgive him for the delay, he got pulled over for a California roll at a stop sign."

"They didn't search the car did they?" Mike says nervously.

"No they didn't which is good cause we would be in big-" Will isinterrupted by Jesse.

"Mike was talking to someone else in a car Will."

"He saw the car Jesse. He already knows"

"Um knows what?" Will said.

"You know that he talked to the person in the car that came by here?" Jesse says still drilling Mike with a hard stare. "He said it was a chick looking for directions on how to get back onto 6 from here..."

"Why cant you just accept I'm on the level?"

"Cause We aren't on the level Mike" Will says with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh not you too. You guys make me wanna-"

Lightning strikes a street light close by making all three jump.

Mike drops the briefcase. "Holy Shnikies that was close!"

"I think I peed alittle" Will says in a silly voice.

A long pause takes place as the three all take everything in, in their own way. Then finely Jesse breaks the sound of the rain falling. "WHO THE SHIBS WAS IT MIKE!"

"It was a chick!" Mike yelled back.

"Bull!" Will and Jesse said at the same time.

"What do you want me to say? I have nothing to hide, why would you both assume I'm going rouge on you three? I never in our long history have given you guys any reason to doubt my loyalty to you guys. If anything It's me that should be doubting you two gunslinging cowboys. Which by the way we brought in case we need to get away from the police if this were to foul up, not to shoot each other with."

"It's just weird man" Will says " But we gonna have to trust you here he comes."

A red ford tempo drives down towards them. Bass from a crappy rap beat pound there chests. The car pulls up to the corner. The license plate reads GEEZUZ. Mike picks up the briefcase hand shaking either from the cold rain, fear, adrenaline or all three. The driver side door opens and as if ordained from the beginning of time the rain stops. A man steps out dress in FUBU ghetto rapper gear. He is about 6'4" 280 pounds. He throws a brown briefcase on top of the car and then leans into the car to turn it off. The rap music stops and a morning dove coos. Will, Mike, and Jesse stand staring dripping wet, they all have the same look. The same look young siblings give each other at 6am on Christmas morning when they know they gotta wait till 8am to open presents.

Pat looks back with a smirk, "You three ready for this? I know I sure as shib am."

A long pause takes place yet again.... Then Pat reaches into his pockets and pulls out two 44 magnums with a laser sighting and has a red dot on Mike's head and Jesse's head. Will stood standing between the two. He looks at Pat and says "Looks like I picked the right guy to have on my side." He takes two steps back and pulls out the D.eagle .50. "Jesse undo the lock on the black briefcase with your memorized combination and Mike take the brown brief off the Tempo and open it with your combination." Pat looks at Jesse and Mike and says "Trust in this line of work is hard to come by, its a wonder anyone gets anything done." Pat glances at at Will who now looks white as a ghost. "What up Will?"

Mike smiles. Jesse stairs scared and confused.

The four stand there frozen. Pat Mike and Jesse all have a read dot on their forehead. Will drops his gun and raises his hands.

I Cry in the Dark

2008-04-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

My heart is overcome with sorrow

My soul is held together with with rusty nails

Every breath I take has less life life then the one before

I look for hope and find despair

I try to fix things but they fall to pieces

My sins overwhelm me, and my vision for life is painted black

Even the Bible brings more pain, more anger, more doubt

I cry in the Dark

I look to Him for help

I'm still waiting

Joe's brain scan info ....43.89% complete

2008-04-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

........................................Three men are standing in a corner holding penguins listening to trees tell them about about how sport should be more violent. Batmanta Claus flies in on his bat drawn sleigh and rams a mutant mouse. Then a perflect thing happens to tie it all in. George Bush hammers in a "stay of the grass" sign into a lawn that had a bunch of Doctor Seuss book characters running around in it..................................78.02% complete......................

The guys standning in a corner (part lll)

2008-03-29T18:25:00.001-07:00

The sky is getting blacker and the wind picks up. A single street light pops on but it's not quite dark enough to make a difference yet. The ambient sounds are basically gone. A single car can be heard. Thunder sounds way off in the distance. The car sound gets louder. Will and Mike are both standing waiting for Jesse to get done doing what ever he is doing in the building behind them. A car makes it's way down the road. " OH! Finally he's here. Should I go get Jesse?" Will asked as he turn towards the building.

"It's a purple sports car Will... purple... sport car... He said a red Ford Tempo." Mike said sarcastically demeaning with a raised eye brow.

"Whatever man. I'm just really ready to go." Will said rubbing his stomach making a strange face.

"You alright man?"

"It's just before we set out today I had this 4 day old meat lovers pizza. I thought I had got rid of it after that great 6.2 bath room visit."

"6.2! You knocked it down 3.8 points for no paper towels? Harsh maybe?"

"Paper is a huge deal."

"True."

Will lifts one legs and winces.

"What are you....no don't man!"

"OK I'll hold it and go git Jesse." Will looks at Mike and grins. "Heh heh heh"

"Don't kill each other."

Will walks into the building, leaving Mike by himself. Mike lights up another smoke, looks to his right and notices the purple car has parked a distance away. The driver was still inside. Mike walks down to the car and knocks on the passenger window. It rolls down and Mike and the driver exchange a brief conversation. Jesse is now outside watching from a distance. Mike sees him and looks back at the driver, points back in the direction the car came from, and ties up the rest of the conversation. The car does a U turn, drives by Jesse and speeds away back from where it came. Jesse could not make out who was inside cause the windows were tinted. Mike walks back with a huge smile. Jesse was not smiling.

"That girl was friggen gorgeous."Mike said as he takes a huge hit off his cigarette.

"Don't even think I'm an idiot."Jesse said dead serious. "Who in the shib was that? Don't even tell me it was some chick that got lost."

"Well it could a been a guy, but then you never do know for sure these days. Huh?"

"Don't mess with me."

"Dude it was just a chick looking to get back onto Route 6 OK? Put your pitch fork and torch back up your keester you crazy paranoid .....Guy." Mike gives Jesse a look only a best friend could give. The look that says. "I love you man but you gotta chill and have fun with us."

Joe's amazing world of sports!

2008-03-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

I notice something about sports today. The are so much more boring then they should be.

Basket Ball

Keep the game the same as it always has been, only add one element. Each player on both teams gets a tranquilizer dart made from poisons found in a chimpabowa spider found the jungles of India thats venom induces seizers temporarily to its pray. I think each player should be able to use it at some strategic point in the game.

Base Ball

In second grade kick ball at recess the rule was you could throw the red ball at someone and they would be out. In base ball the same rules should apply. Only also the player shouldn't have to throw the bat when he is done he should be able to use it on the first, second, third, base man. Also he should be able to throw the bat at any player to discourage being hit with a ball. The bat may also be used to hit the ball being thrown at you, like Luke Skywalker with the lasers.

Foot Ball

Take away most every thing rules wise except for gettin the ball to for to the end for a touch down. Pile ups would merely be pummeling till the guy on the bottom gave in. The ref. would kinda just be there to make sure no player brought forgien devices onto the scene. Except for in Mexico.

Hockey

Keep it the same....Except take away all the rules.

Olympic speed swimming

They should have a swimmers wear rubber suits that cover everything but the face. These suits would be to stop the flow of electricity that would be ran threw the pool at random moments. They would have rubber posts that stick outta the water that they could climb up on if they wished to avoid electrocution. The jolt would be just enough to make there mussels go limp for three seconds. A light and sound would signal three seconds before the jolt would run through the water.

Boxing

Change nothing

Soccer

Keep everything the same except the ball should be a bouncy Hamster ball kinda thing. Except instead of a Hamster inside it should have a wolverine it.

Long distance jumping

Bring it to cliffs or ravines or roof tops. (if your not breaking the record you might as well brake something else.)

Cricket

LOL who cares.

Golf

Raise the stroke limit by 50 for each hole. Give the other players competing paint ball guns.

Polo

Marko?

Tennis

In Indiana Jones there is a scene where he is after an Aztec golden god. On the way to the god there are tiles on the floor that if stepped on... a dart shoots. Bring it to the tennis court.

2008-03-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

2008-03-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

HEY!

2008-02-27T23:36:00.000-08:00

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME!?

LIL DOG MAN!

Three dudes just standing in a corner. [PART II]

2008-02-25T22:13:00.000-08:00

Will walks out of the building wiping his hands on the front of his suit. His fly is down and he looks a little upset. He walks over to Mike and Jesse, resuming his place in between them. Mike and Jesse both look down at Will's open fly, glance at each other, and shake there heads. Mike is looking amused and Jesse is looking just irritated as ever. The three stood in silence for about thirty seconds when finally Will attempted to brake the obnoxiousness of the situation with humor. "You know what I hate?" Will said, only animating his right hand and head as he spoke. (the other two looked at him)"I hate when you go to the bathroom for a nice relief, every thing goes good, the smell, the cleanliness, the music, and ambiance all good, then after you wash your hands you go for a paper tower aaaannnd... no dice." Jesse looks at him. "You know you're really not that interesting...We don't care about your stupid peepee stories Will...also the whole fly thing? Why would you do that? You look like a total idiot." Will looks down and zips it up, then turns to Mike and asks, "You thought it was funny right?" Mike puts his arm on Will's shoulder, "You tried Will, you tried, and that is why we love you." Will wipes a fake tear from his eye, makes for the smokes again and lights one up. "So also that old guy was in the bathroom and well...lets just say I heard him tearing the perfect "10" smell down a few notches EH EH EH(Will nudges Jesse with each "EH") Jesse throw his arms in the air and screams at Will. "I have been involved with this project to long to have it screwed up now. If our hook up finds any discrepancies in our plans he will call it off. And if you ruin this because of your stupid childish pranks and retarded humor I swear this gun (he makes for at 9mm in his jacket) will have a bullet with your name on it!" Will drops his cigarette, pulls out a Desert eagle and points it at Jesse's face just as Jesse points his in Wills." Both of the two are starring each other down when Mike cuts in with a little bit of a laugh. "Um, I feel weird over here wit just a brief case, should I pull out my gun too or...?" The front door to the building opens and the panting old guy with his walker comes outside. He stands there looking at the three. The three look back but the two keep their guns on each other. The old guy walker waddles away but says while he is walking, "You boys should tell the owner of this fine establishment that the bathroom is out of paper towels." Mike, grinning and whisper laughing looks at the old man and then at the two finding the whole scenario totally awesome. Just as the man rounds the corner Will drops his gun and yells out, "Should I tell the owner to bring a plunger too Gramps, cause I know I heard a double flusher in the making back there?" Jesse put his gun down to his side, and starts to drill Mike "Why are we still waiting for this guy? You said 7:30pm. It is now 4 to 8 and getting dark because of rain clouds" Mike pulls out a cigarette of his own and lights up,"Hey your "Mr. Don't Discrepacate" not him. Put the friggen gun away and go take some pills or something." Jesse puts his gun back into his Jacket and walks into the building. As soon as he was inside and out of sight the two looked at each other and broke into smiles, fight back laughter. "Dude I told you it was gonna make things more fun for everyone if we brought these guns. Did you see his face when I matched his draw with this beast of a gun. Don't pull that little girl glock stuff out on me if you wanna raise my pulse." Mike starts to cough on his smoke. "Well *cough* next time he does something like that just make sure yo- Will cuts Mike off, "DUDE! Dude...."Discrepacate"? What the hell is that?", "Shut up you know what it is, just cause it ain't a word don't mean it ain't a word.... Anyways I think he is in there cleaning himself. He really looked shook up from that gun of yours." Will pulls the D.eagle out and shows it to Mike. "I noticed both your safety and his was on. Thats the only thing that kept me from pulling out my Mac10 and killing the both of you. I have come way to far to have you guys Shib it up for me. Lets face it we are all a lil' bit on edge as it is without having to worry about one of us three making it a 3 way split instead of 4." Will and Mike stood there. Will took out another smoke and lit it up. They stood waiting for Jesse
2 be continued...

Pain. (not a depressing post)

2008-02-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

The is a band I love called pain. Why are the called pain?

"...because life without pain is a long endless chain of errors repeated again and again, so don't be afraid of pain don't run away..." Pain ; Midget with guns.

The title of the album "midgets with gun" kinda is the dead give away to why I love a band called Pain.

Check em out

http://www.thepainpage.com/cds.html

Three dudes just standing in a corner.

2008-02-20T22:31:00.000-08:00

Lets imagine three dudes standing on a street corner. Lets name them Mike, Will, and Jesse. They are all three dressed in business suits and are wearing sun glasses. Will is standing in the middle and is about two feet taller then the other two. Mike is to the left and carrying a black leather suitcase. Jesse is standing with both hands in his pockets while bobbing his head to music coming from his ipod. They're standing in front of a small brown painted cinder block building in a small town type setting. Will begins to whisper in Mikes ear and points to Jesse and the two laugh. Jesse stops bobbing his head and looks at them and starts calling them names. Mike and Will stop laughing, and look away. Now why are we on these three seemingly non mysterious fellows. (Well your bored and turned to Joe's blog) ... (<- Joe's trade mark "..." that shows up way too often in his posts, but he doesn't care... he likes the dot dot dot thing) Will pulls out a box of cigarettes and lights one up with a fancy looking silver lighter. He hands it to Mike, then lifts the box offering one to Jesse. Jesse just snubs him obvious still angry about their laughing at him. A car passes by. Mike and Will both look at the car till it rounds the corner out of sight, but Jesse who is still head bobbing with a stern look on his face, is into his music. Birds can be heard in the background and the ambient sound of cars in a distance drowns out most everything else. They stand there waiting...for something. Suddenly a man rounds the corner of the building. He looks older then old, and is using a walker to get around. Will then lights a smoke for himself, and puts the cig box away in it's original pocket. The old man makes his way past them slowly and nobody even really acknowledges each other. Will and the old man kinda exchange quick glances but both pretend that they are cool not about saying hello even though it feels awkward not to. Jesse coughs. (You might be thinking now to yourself...*Joe this getting to stretched out*... Maybe your right...but... ... ya never know where these posts will take you.) Finally the old man enters the building. A long stretch of time goes by with the three just standing side by side with literally nothing going on except for maybe a few more coughs from Jesse. Finally Will checks his watch, and looks at Mike. "He's late" Will says with a very not surprised expression. Mike just shakes his head and throws down his cigarette and stomps it out. It was smoked down to the filter. Will throws his down too and makes for the building's front door. "I got to go poop" Will says as he enters the building. Mike shakes his head with a humored smile and looks over at Jesse. Jesse doesn't look back but says in a unimpressed manor,"Funny... he is a....funny guy that Will." Thunder sounds in the distance. Making Jesse jump a lil'. "Dude where the shibs is he?" Jesse demands as if Mike actually knew. "He'll be here, chill J'abrony" Mike says with the tone of an Italian at a family dinner ...2 be continued...

...

2008-02-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

Stho thith dime. . . I'wl thow them whoth bosth.

2008-01-31T19:14:00.000-08:00

Ever get made fun of by a kid with a lisp and a cold? HA it's funny.

Ever get pulled over by a cop who forgot to put his pants on? Tis, is also very funny.

Ever fart while wearing white pants, and fear it left a mark through your panties and pants? uuuuh... yeah me neither.

Ever grab life by the tail and fear letting go for fear of getting rabies? That's just weird.

Ever wonder why Luke and Leia never got together at the end? You REDNECK!

Ever grab a bunch of laxative stuff like enema bulbs and stuff, throw it in a shoping cart till it was full, then put burritos on the top of it all, while shaking and moaning while pushing it through the a store. Mean neither....but maybe some day.

Off people cheese to just backwards something write ever? You jerk!

Ever wonder what would happen if Burger King stopped selling the "whopper" for one day? Well then watch ABC. You will see see what happens.....every....five.....minutes.... I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL!

Ever wish your phone was also a taser ? HAHAHA for the cat right?

What is it to be spiritual?

2008-01-28T23:25:00.001-08:00

It's strange to ask. Being that we are spiritual beings. I mean even if you don't believe in that "stuff" it doesn't make your spirit not exist. Although I must say I would love to know how to live a spiritual life, I don't think the know how makes you more spiritual. Maybe spirit ruled, but not more spiritual. For instance. I am a man. If I studied man and acted like a man or did all the things man does, it doesn't make me more man. Like if a dude acts like a walrus 24/7 it doesn't make him not man. So being spiritual is just being.

Maybe that's not what John Paul meant. Maybe he was asking so he could enlighten. However in my experience with the spiritual life I have been frustrated to find that the more I know the more questions I have. It's like walking into your kitchen and seeing President Bush wearing a zebra suit and standing on top of your friends shoulders. They're both holding newspapers that are being held upside down. Your freind is singing Welcome to the Jungle and the president is singing Ding dong the witch is Dead. You ask them. "What the heck are you doing?" Bush says" "We are Making pancakes." Your friend says, "It keeps the neighbors off the grass."

Now some people are like"Oh right pancakes." I'm like "Why the shibs!"

So as of right now being spiritual has left me feeling confused scared and well slightly insane.

So I don't know if I even want to read his next few postings on the subject cause it would just be liking asking George..... "How is this making pancakes?" and having your friend say all serious like, "cause the Neighbors like penguins. Have faith my son"

In my head...? Thats not where I pulled it from!

2008-01-28T22:53:00.000-08:00

No doubt the majority of you come to this blog for a good laugh. Sometimes you come on and I sound off about God stuff, or maybe about how pissed I am at the current condition of life. Tonight I am pissed off, but I will try to hide this paragraph as best I can. With the ridiculously stupid and non sequential humor that is Joe Leone.

C:\ . . .

Loading....

C:\ Humorous Stuff is pulled out of my buttocks with an imaginary tool called "lucky"....

Sometimes I just sit down and start writing without thinking about what is to come. (Obviously with all me Gramamamaticallle chalenged stuff, and such that you see in my run on sentence blog postingings.] You know there has to be a line that I pass to even embark on writing these. The line that says. Delete? / No Delete. I wrote a lot of stuff that ended up deleted. I'm sure there are tons of people that do that. I'm one. So here let me pull out ol' Lucky and see where he takes me tonight. *Lil' to the left....AA!...there we go*

Spastic moose droppings were sited in St.Louis. What he was doing with them yet remains a mystery to the Doctors.

If I have three fingers take away two and give them to your face while you're not looking in my direction on a Saturday where bathing is forbidden....

....how many people will still wanna know where this is going?

It's not going anywhere so I bring us back to the first paragraph. I'm pissed. Sorry guys I just can't do it tonight.

On the other hand I have been reading this guys blog 99% of you know him-JPJ.

He asked what it is to be spiritual? He got 90 comments 85 were me asking him which Toilet paper was the most spiritual....not really. But I figured why even bother posting a comment in that mess. I'll post what I think on my blog.

Your what now? (continued....)

2008-01-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

Flint the Shint lived on a mint inside a pocket,
the pocket of a gnome called Sprocket that was sitting in a rocket on it's way the the moon,
The moon would soon receive a baboon, that a gnome named Boone had aboard, the same rocket that held Sprocket, that wit'in his pocket, had sitting on a mint a Shint named Flint.

What is a Shint?
You tell me what a freakin' Who is and I'll tell you what a Shint is.

So why does this matter? Well! Apparently Boone's baboon was just taken from a crime scene which involved a giant penguin and and a Crazed scuba guy.

Picking up from the last post

The two stood staring waiting for the other to make the first moved. The penguin let out a huge squeak and landed a round house kick to my head knocking it clean off...or something I forget. Most of what happened that day was foggy after the blow to the head. Maybe it wasn't even a penguin. I'm pretty sure it wasn't at this point. Anyways the penguiny thing that i was fighting gave a snooty hmph with it's beak in the air, and pranced away with the purse. Finally the old lady in pink with the walker just totted on by. ?!? Not so much as a thank you!? But she had her purse, I just didn't see it when I first saw her. I guess to the penguiny thing, I was the thief trying to take it's purse... I laid on the ground separated from reality, A baboon sat gawking at me eating a banana.

THE END

Your what now?

2008-01-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

One day I... no wait wait.... So there I wwwaaaass! . . . Down by this rock by the sea. Sun glaring down at me as if to say, "Joe! It's Friggen Hot up here." I looked down the coastline and saw this rather large penguin, larger then me. He was waddling my way, when I noticed he was being chased down, by an old lady with a walker. Now this is a big beach I'm on, and they're a ways off. So I can't really tell who is faster. The waddling penguin or the geriatric dressed up in pink behind the walker. At first my impulse was to laugh, but then I noticed the penguin had her purple purse!? So I charged down the beach. Just as I was getting close, I tripped over the flippers I was wearing. (oh, by the way...I was long distance snorkeling as a fund raising method for a group called the Save the Happy Indian Tigers or S.H.I... well never mind. So I was wearing a Tiger striped set of swim goggles and bright green mouth piece. I don't remember why I was wearing the novelty fat clown pants.) So I was laying on my belly looking up at the penguin. He stopped and looked down at me. It tilted it's head to the side and squeaked out a sound not unlike a doggy toy. I rose to my flipper's and said, "Give me the purse or I will unleash these flippers of fury." At that He dropped the purse, let out a squeak, and jumped into a karate stance.

To be continued...

Life Before Time. . .

2007-12-22T17:53:00.001-08:00

Shibs and the Adventure Of The Night Before Christmas

2007-12-20T14:54:00.000-08:00

Twas the Night before Christmas
And all through da house
Joe was going all crazy
because of a mouse...

I had killed and evicted
other mice like this
but this mouse was a high powered 7 foot tall mutant that traveled a long ways from Hanaford nuclear plant. It had laser beam eye's and lizard like wings. He had huge claws and teeth bigger than his head. He wore bling like the Snoop Dog, and bled radioactive green ooze.... and it spoke....yeah, kinda sounded like Woody Allen.

But anyways, I have a computer again guys. Which means I can come to blogspot.com and leave some love for the people that read this nonsense.

Now back to the night before Christmas...

So there I was, cornered and scared ,wearing only my Napoleon Dynamite boxers and my Hello Kitty fluffy slippers. I was armed only with a spaghetti strainer and a troll doll. Not being McGiver I had no clue how to use any of it. So I threw it all at the mutant rodent...except for the slippers cause my feet are always freezing. Luckily a Shotgun was near by to cover what my boxers no longer did. Just then a horrible belching sound came from the beast. Acid shot out its mouth just barely missing my head. A hole burnt through the wall giving me a way to escape my house. As I ran shotgun in hand, down Kellogg St. screaming for my life, I looked back and saw the American flag I have by my place being lowered by the other normal mice. The mutant was still chasing me. I tripped loosing a slipper. The Mutant came up slowly behind me mumbling. In the distance I saw the replacement flag being raised. It was basically a picture of cheese with a white backdrop. I laid their paralyzed with fear as it raised it's paw for the killing blow. A bunch of Asian neighbors stepped outside and started taking pictures. Then it occurred to me! I was only using the shotgun to cover up the front of me. They were taking pictures?!? So I grabbed a butchers knife someone threw to me for some reason, and covered my back side. Then it occurred to me again!?! I'm still alive? The mutant was cliche' roaring before the final blow. Just then He was struck by a heard of animals that seemed to have fallen out of the sky. They ran before a sleigh. The guy inside the sleigh grabbed me and threw me in with him, meanwhile my Asian neighbors were still clicken away. The guy was fat, wore a red suit, and was call'n me a hoe or something. Then he handed me a brand new pair of Napoleon Dynamite boxers. I slipped them on real quick, cause the shotgun was starting to hurt, and the knife was just about frozen to my buttocks. He then asked me a question. That would changed history.

Santa asked me, "So? What do think about taking over this whole Santa thing?"

Swap out the Santa role with someone other than Saint Nick

2007-12-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

In The Santa Clause, Tim Allen kills Saint Nick and takes over the North Pole's family business. Then you get to see what it would be like if Santa were Tim Allen. It was funny... what if though it were taken over by others. . .

Batmanta Claus

Kids would fear The Night of the Bat (Christmas Eve) hiding under their beds hoping and praying they were nice and not naughty. The smell of fresh baked cookies replaced with that of diesel and burnt rubber.

Yoda Claus

I'm pretty sure it would be the same deal as Saint Nicolas with only slight change. Jedi's making the toys, force drawn sleigh, and instead of cookies and milk, kids would leave nasty swamp soup. And he would be the one sitting on the kid's laps.

Ghengas Kluas

Basically if this role went this crazed Mongolian we all might have to spend all our Christmas money at The Home Depot and Lowes because he would almost certainly cause fire damage to every house He stopped at...naughty or nice alike. Present bag would probably be filled with the heads of the naughty. Gross huh?

Joeyjoejoe Jr. ShabaClaus

First off the operations up in the North Pole would change from toy making to World Domination. I'm pretty sure with the amount of man power (or rather Elf-power) it would take to Coordinate making all those toys, I could easily make an army big enough to take over. Any attack made on my base of operations would be a joke at best. No one would ever find it and to actually send troops up my way would be dang near impossible to keep alive in the climate the pole has to offer. Nuking the pole would just kill every one cause the ocean would flood real good. I'd take out the leaders that stood in my way while they were sleeping, cause I would know when they were sleeping. I think I just might be able to do it. Then I would call Planet Earth, Planet Joe.

The End

2008 The Year of (FILL IN THE BLANK) "RANDOM PROHETIC GUY"

2007-11-15T17:53:00.000-08:00

So I have been raised in the church since I was a wee lil' scamp of a kid. Actually since before I was born. My mom dragged my ass to church just by goin there herself with me growing all sorts of limbs inside her belly. Anywho... As time went on I don't think a single year went by without some guy in the church proclaiming it to be a (something or other year).

Like 1993 the year of multiplication, 1996 the year of Gods favor, 2005 the FIVE ALIVE YEAR! stuff like that. Catchier the better, and if there was some lady in the pews that made a "(That's Deep) mmm" sound It was probably prophetic.

Here are some I have been tinkering with...

DUN DUN DUN

thunder in the back

1. 2008 the year of the New York Yankees- why not another one? It's been a while.

2. 2008 the year Yams- ...?

3. 2008 the year the Church grows up- It could happen

4. 2008 the year Joe Leone grows up- HAHAHA! maybe not...

5. 2008 the year of 2008- I vote this one!

6. 2008 the year of Fate- It rhymes and it's guaranteed a "(that's deep) mmm" from some lady.

I know someone will do it. Keep your ears open

7. 2008 just another @*$&@!$ year- I couldn't imagine using it in a sermon...you'd get some different "mmm's"

8. 2008 the year of fire and brimstone and locust and all that other bad stuff that'll happen if your tithe is under 10%- I hope not this one.

9. 2008 the year of that makes up for 2007- I don't know about you folks but it's been a hard year I really was hopen and believing for some hardcore good time's as a follower of Jesus . However it is hands down with out question, the Worst of Joejoe's life. I really hope I'm wrong about this one. I hope that I don't have to wait for 2008 to justify the injustice of this year.

Peace out to my Fellow chums!!

People think Im crazy... But you best not!

2007-11-05T12:57:00.000-08:00

When the clouds of madness attack my mind and there is no way I can think straight on anything hwhat-so-eva, I try and and find a way to vent. This blog has been nice. I don't have the Internet but I have found I still get readers on my old post and I'm hopen every now and again people check and see if I wrote something new. So I have a few minutes on a computer at the library so I won't let my fans down.

Gods Power used through SamsoMosElisha-ja today for idiots
PART I

Super Human Strength-Samson

We saw the movie The Hulk and saw the fun he had taken out his anger on tanks and nerdy scientists, but what is a follower of Christ to do with such power. Well obviously, we can't get away with Hulk stuff(though I may still pick on nerdy scientists) but think about basic application. As an offering usher at church you could transform in into a hulk, let you muscles rip through your shirt, and force eye contact with people that don't have money out. I don't know that's All I got there...

Fire Down from Heaven - Elisha

Although there is probably a novels worth of thing you could write with this one, from making toast to road rage solutions. Christian application narrows things down............................Moving right along.

Plagues over Egypt - Moses... and a'lil bit of Arron

So I'm thinking maybe France? HAHA... no but seriously... We might be able to get prayer back in school, Pro-life everyones choice and Gas prices down, but in the long run of things I can't help but think getting carried away with this one is to easy. Blood drives would no longer be needed. Frog leg market might appear, and the demand for zit cream stuff would go up. Buy some Locust OFF spray.

Time is up on the library computer sorry for how short this one was, but abe-bud-dee-badee
tha-thas all folks

Apologies to my readers.

2007-09-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

No internet at home. Will take some time for me to get back into routine and what not and such en' so forth, and stuff. . . .

Another dumb super power

2007-08-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

Force Theme music.

Do Do DOOO do do do DOOOO
^
That would play any time I put my hand out to reach for something way outta my reach. Even if it didn't budge, people would freak out if they heard that music when I reached.

Gotta do something...

2007-08-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

K, it has been a bit since my last posting. My apologies to people that read this nonsense. This post will be a real doozy. K, ready? Ready? pick a number between 4 and 12...
Was it five?

NO?! well fine next post will be much better....promise.

Give in to the Joe side of the force

2007-07-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

JOE WARS

Episode 5.3

A New Job

It's been nine months since the last official job
has taken in our hero Joe Leone A.K.A Shibs Mgee.
When Shibs was at wits end sending in application
after application with no responses he was ready
to give up and move back to his home planet
Pennsylvania.

Though the presence of despair and hopelessness
echoed throughout the galaxy
Shibs managed to press through with
the help of his family connections and
his rebel friends in the "The Bridge Solar system"

Finely Joe has entered employment at
"Wheat Montana: Deli/Bakery" near the
Bone Fish space station.

Though this is great news for Shibs and his
beautiful wife Princess Bethany, they both
look forward to where the force will
take them to recover from there wounds...

P.M.S

2007-07-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

1.Permanently Mad Syndrome

2. Pissed Mama Syndrome

3. Pure Malevolent Sickness

4. Potent Muliebral Suckyness

Yesterday my wife was a little p.m.sy. I heard her in the other room with the cat and when I turn around to look and see what was going on I saw her with the spay bottle(our disciplinary tool) in the cat's face with her hand around her scruff. Now all that was happening was a bit of love. Beth was petting the cat with the bottle in her other hand, and the cat was licking the water at the end...But my mind put an entirely different scenario together.

Minds eye ='s Beth clamping the back of the cat's neck, and spraying it in the face an inch away repeatedly, while saying through clenched teeth, "Chocolate!Chocolate! I want chocolate, give me chocolate!"

It wasn't at all what was happening but it is weird what my mind comes up with when it comes to a women go'n through p.m.s.

Spiritual warfare, is physically poop

2007-07-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

When I go through life and face all the down falls of humanity I get flustered sometimes.
I sometimes wish that instead of saying "NO!" to something or just doing what is right, to conquer evil, you could pull out a sword of righteousness, whip out a gun of holiness, or put up your dukes and fight your demon to the death. Granted if it were that way I am sure we would have a lot of other crap issues. Like decapitations, scars, infections, and deadness. However sick as it may seem, I as a man full of hairy testosterone, would love if God put me in a situation where He empowered me to fight through the power of The Blood of The Lamb with a literal sword, gun, bow staff, spear, javelin, or some sort of killamajiggy. Lately my words have all seemed to fall to the ground and trampled on. I would rather fight. I mean with how weak my actions have seemed as of these past 9 months, I think I would rather fight king kong with a dagger then go through it all again.

Happy Tofu and the Laughing Musketeer...it is that time of year again

2007-07-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up I would play games where the imagination was better then any toy or movie. Within my imagination I had hundreds of knights at my command, plenty of villains to slay, swords, nun chucks, suits of armor, M16s, lightsabors, space ships, WW2 bombers, and even sometimes birthday cake. When I went on car rides I would use every thing as a button to destroy every car that past by. The seat belt button would arm a missle the door handle a machine gun, the lock on the door would trigger oil slick and the ash tray on the back of the drivers seat was the call box for the artillery (to blow up Honesdale).

Today I had a friend of ours granddaughter hand me a drink coaster and asked if I wanted to try the taco she made. I totally loved it. It was so fun, to jump back in that world. So when I played along and pretended to eat this (taco?) She ended up making me pizza and more tacos. She was all tellin me how it was hard to find the ingredients and asked me what I wanted on it. Of coarse this cup coaster, represented all the tacos and pizzas. It was like the movie "Hook".

I just had to talk about how much I loved using my imagination that way again. It's been awhile since the I let myself do that.

So I'm sorry if you read this expecting to laugh.

The title was funny.

Imagine if you will [continued...]

2007-07-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

[This is the second part of a previous post. It will be more enjoyable if the first only is read : April 26, 2007]

It's been eight hours since the hope of the world has locked himself away to perfect himself in his ordained Stone cocoon of perfection. It seems the first time, Aegis the Righteous Protecter of the Earth Realm, emerged from it's awesome and terrible powers he wasn't quite yet perfected. He felt it best to return and continue the perfection process. One thing he must not have seen though, was the horde that appeared over the edge of the mountain as soon as he had went back inside. Proceeding almost immediately after was a fierce battle that claimed many lives on both sides. It got so intense that the orcs retreated a short distance to gather themselves for the next attack. The men gathered around the cocoon cursing and ready to die. The orcs appeared atop the mountain once more. Screams of blood lust echoed down upon the men cutting through to their souls. Hope drained quickly causing even the most battle hardened warrior to loose color in his face. . . but then. Light shot out of the Stone of perfection. The ground wasn't shaking this time but felt as though it belonged somehow to the cocoon. The beams of light started to bend and spiral up word to cause a tornado of pure light. The Stone cocoon of perfection then exploded, but the explosion stopped before it hit the men around it. It looked like a shrunken sun landed on earth, half way buried into the ground. Now the ground was shaking and the orcs battle crys were turned to screams of fear. The explosion sucked back into itself and the tornado of light was sucked down. A glowing figure stood brilliantly before an awed audience of friend and foe. "Hear me! I know I left you fearing of the integrity of my destiny and purpose here. Let me asure you every moment I spent here and every life lost protecting the cocoon was more the worth it. I have become so powerful that time itself will obey my commands. The stars in the sky can fall at my power. The oceans tides can go backwards just by my thinking it. I can fill all our enemies with a fear so horrible that their hearts will fail if I will it. No more shall you be the ones that fear! I have returned and this time... I AM PERFECT!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! HEHEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..." *FFFTHHPT* "Ow" An orc arrow stuck out of Aegis' chest. He then fell over arms out, on his back, dead . A soldier in the back yells, "Freakin A!"

Chronicles of Narnia

2007-07-04T09:35:00.001-07:00

I watched [The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe] last night. --> Disney Version<-- (The only one worth watching anymore.) While I was watching, I heard Mr. Tomdizzle mention to lucy that even the trees were spies. So the movie went on and the four kids met Mr. Beaver. He went to lead them to his house saying he would lead them on a safe route. The three older ones were wearing faces that seemed to say, (WTFrig does he mean by safe route) Then Lucy is like, "He means the trees". Then the four look at the trees around them..........
All this to tell you what I saw in my mind on the camera sweep around the trees. . Two muppet versions of tree ents. One says "word" one next to it says "what up?". This in it's self isn't really funny. As the movie went on, every suspenseful part there were trees near, I said out loud. "word" "whatup" The film almost turned into a comedy.
Next time you watch the film, say out loud in a monotone voice. "Word" "What up" out loud when they do that camera sweep I was talkin about. Then any scene with trees after that you can say it and laugh. The dramatic scene's are good, and running scenes too. If you found previous posts of mine funny, your guaranteed to laugh at least once.

Tired ramblings of a sober man...(can't afford beer)

2007-07-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

So the other day while I was walking I stumbled across a short man. A man of small stature. Ya might even say he was...*stare*....little. DUN DUN DUN! ~gasp~. So i was all like "Dude!...Your a pipsqueek.". He cried. I laughed.

Then a pterodactyl picked him up in it's talons and flew away. It was truly a sight to see.

The end

One bright day in the Forest of Not Make Belief a deer was walking through the forest when she came across a murder scene seconds after the event. There laying bloody before her was the corpse of the forest skunk. Standing next to him was the ghetto chipmunk. He had a boom box, golden teeth, a baggy sports teeshirt, and two tiny smoking 6 shooter gats. He rose one gat to the deers head and said in a high pitch voice"You aaaaiiin't seen noffin. right?"
Then from outta no where the forest skunks friend ,
Abdul Mufasquirrel Mohamed , capped da chipmunks azz. Then the deer ran away.
It was truly a sight to see.

THE END

Your own personal lil' hell

2007-06-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

In the new movie "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End " the great Jacktain Cap Sparrow was in hell. It's was personalized for him since he was a Ocean loving captain of great ship this was his torture. He had his boat but it was in the middle of a desert, and he had no crew. No ocean no crew just a boat, for eternity.

I wonder what other personalized fictional hells would be like.

Gamers Hell: You have all the systems, from N.E.S-to all the top line ones today Wii, PS3, Xbox, and Alienware. Thing is the controllers all have an important button that doesn't work..like the A button, or the X button. The games don't save and every fifteen minutes the power goes out. The entire time you have Moms voice shouting to go outside and play, or to do the dish's. But when you go to do it, and walk out of the room the room you walk into is the same room. Oh! AAaaannd the T.V and computer monitor you have has a sun glare on it 24/7. And worstly you have Dial-up internet. If you somehow manage to get online in a game in 15 minutes....everyone is hacking and they're all calling you a an uber noob. Even your Mom yells uber noob sometimes.

A post everyone can understand!!!!

2007-06-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I have heard rumors that people have read my post and not really understood the total and obvious genius behind it. Well maybe not genius in an Einstein sort of way but certainly a Ethel Merman kinda way. I wasn't all ways an Ethel Merman genius or EMG. It all started when I was 6 years of age. *Harp plays and screen waves out into a memory*

Mother enters stage right holding a defrosted dripping wet octopus in one hand and a spaghetti stainer in the other. Joe is on the floor playing with a batter powered ninja turtle remote control car. He is pushing the car manually because the battery is being charged-stage left

Mom: (southern accent)Joeeeeey did yall make sure yu cleaned this room a' yours?
Joe: VVrrrrrrrooom vr Vrooooooooom(car sounds) What mommy? I can't hear you I'm in the Ninja turtle van.
Mom: Cute hun, but if yall dont clean dis gosh durn mess you ain't getting an squanjealii tonight boy.
Joe: Alright mommy I'm just gonna go put in the batteries and then clean room.

Joe goes stage left to unplug the battery charger

Mom: Alrigh Joey, dinner will be ready as soon as this mess is up. Hurry though the family is alread-...

Mother trips on a black jeep hot wheel on the floor, the octopus(dripping wet) goes flying toward the socket and lands on Joe's hand and the copper plug. A wave of purple energy engulfs Joe's left arm, and His right arm still on the Ninja turtle truck has a wave of ooze green energy. The energies clash toward the head region. The sound of electricity is so intense it alarms the people next door. Joe jerks hard then falls to the ground smoking. the power surge end's. The looney toons theme song can faintly be heard coming from a T.V in another room. His eye's open but he is not the same.

*Harp plays and screen waves out of memory* Yeah, if I remember correctly which I'm not sure I do, my EMG started around that time of my life....but anyways I promise I will try and make the next post make sence.

The mystery of the tail wag

2007-06-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

There are many that claim that a Dog wags it's tail when happy...Well we all pretty much think that. I think that if dog's didn't wag their tails they would explode. They have so much excited happiness pented up inside them, that if they didn't wag there tails they would just blow up, FLOOF!

Cats however...There is no real reason for their tail waggingness. I think the tail just has a bunch of nerves in it and it randomly just jolts here and there.

But that all to say that if humans had tails, we probably would git them peirced. I know I would. Instead of pinky promise it would be taily tom pom promise. I'm glad we don't have a tail, cause they would be fleshy looking. That would be sick. We would have tail socks. As for expressions , we would be happy waggers, and angry pointers.

EW

2007-05-28T11:31:00.001-07:00

Worst Super Powers Ever!

2007-05-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

This may disturb some people. If you have a problem with gory images and/or slightly crude humor, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS.

1. Cow man
Powers- Large drooping utters that hang from the belly and poop that fertilizes. Also can sleep standing.
Weakness- head lights, Bored hick teenagers

2. Fish out of water Man
Powers- Flailing around enemies annoyingly, also the power to slip out of attackers hands.
Weakness- can't walk or swim or really do a thing apart from flail and stair wide eyed

3. Gunpowder Man
Powers- Can become an enormous explosion when ever desired
Weakness- Fire....exploding

4. Gore Man
Powers- Infinite amount of gore generation, millions of miles of intestines and veins , infinite blood brains hearts skin bones the whole deal. Practical jokes, and the ability to have a sick day any day for any profession. All the work mans comp available on the planet. Scaring the Elderly
Weakness- none...but really gross.

5. Methane Man
Powers- ability to impress most men, keeping the heating bill down to zero, rendering your unexpecting foes unconscious, Scaring the Elderly
Weakness- Fire...Exploding

6. Unlucky man
Powers- the ability to say "I told you so" in all situations.
Weakness- Broken mirrors, Black cats, Ladders, Mirrors, White brown grey cats, open umbrellas in and out of the house, cars, plains, police officers, persons, places, things's. Also the absence of everything stated. Everything pretty much will hurt or kill.

7. Sleuth Man
Powers-
Weakness- Unable to move fast so I guess enemies that move faster then you.

8. Blowfish man
Powers- The ability to puff up with air when frightened, and having the last laugh if ever caught by canables and served improperly. ya know cause if blowfish aren't cut and cooked right by the chef they're deadly...and the canables are eating you...cause you got caught? Oh forget it...
Weakness- pins, small spaces, porcupines, and Surprises around those things.

9. Ice cream Man
Powers- each finger is an ice cream dispenser that has an unlimited amount of chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, mint, cookies and cream, cookie dough, rocky road, black cherry, peanut butter, and plain Ice creams.
Weakness- sticky fingers, and N.F.S.C National Food Sanitation Commity.

10. Man Man
Power- none
Weakness- Same as yours

Boldy going where no man has gone before...Steve Urkel did

2007-05-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

Creativity runs in the family

2007-05-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

My older brother is a film editor. My little brother is a photographer/ painter. My sister is a painter/musician/ninja warrior. My parent's...well they're pretty creative too. My Dad is an artist. My Mom is a song writer. I am an actor at heart. Now These aren't all professions that we live off of (though some are, and some are about to be) but what comes outta the family usually makes people smile. I'm blessed to have such a great group of people to call my family.

And as for my wife. Fa get about it. She is a walking entity of creativity. Musically gift on her flute, painting, sculpting, writing. She could act too I know it.

So I have been surrounded by loved ones with a creative spirit my entire life.

2007-05-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

My Little Brother

2007-05-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Mother's day card- $4.99
Professional Head Shot- $39.99
Picture Frame- $54.99

Sending it all to your Mother on Mommy's day- Price Less

Way to go Mike. I will never be able to top this Mothers Day gift.

The history of the salty piggy flavored hunk of meat in a can

2007-05-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

In the Beginning God created a bunch of stuff. Namely men, women, water, plants, animals, light, earth, and the Yo-yo...He had given the yo-yo to Adam to help him pass the time in the garden cause things we have today weren't around to help with that. You know like football, starwars video games, or fireworks. I think Adam lost the yo-yo with the fall and it was given back after man had been sanctified, thousands of years later. Of coarse by the time it came back to us we had other things to do, plus we had more important things to do with our time now that we had a limited amount before we kicked off. So yeah...yoyos. So at some point before the yoyo and after the fall somebody named Peter had a vision of a bunch of filthy animals come'n down out of the sky, and a voice saying something like but not exactly"BAM! Spice up your life a lil' bit there Pete and try your hand at dis' delicious pork wit' tose Italian jamoke friends of yours. It's ok to eat now k?" Thousands of years pass and some one figures out how to grind this pork thing up infuse it with salt and through it in a can. Which today we call spam. Crazy Huh?

Getting old/being born

2007-05-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes

2007-04-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

When your really in need of something to do you can take some comfort in my little blog here.
Not today though cause I am brain dead. Brain DEAD!

H-B theory

2007-04-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

Nobody knows what is in the center of our planet. We don't know what the middle of our rock is.
Some people have theorized that down to the nitty gritty center of everything the earth is made out of is actually what makes it spin. Which means that every planet that rotates has one. Since God knew we never would know what the middle part is, he cut a corner and narrowed it down to two components.

2 components.

1. A hollowed out 11" clear ball
2. A never dieing never, tiring hamster.

Imagine If you will

2007-04-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

You are part of an army in a middle earth type setting. Your world is under attack by an evil horde of orcs that has you out numbered 50 to 1. The village your in is the next to be attacked, and what's worse the world's best hope of winning the war is in your town. The reason you're there in the town is to protect this hope. You have fought battles, lost friends, and bore wounds yourself to protect... a wizard. Why if he is the worlds best hope of winning is he in need of your help? Well right now, he is in a brown fleshy 8 foot tall 4 foot wide cocoon. A device sent from the heavens to assist this wizard in achieving perfection. He has been in the cocoon for 5 decades and right now, in this moment, about to bust out of there and show you and your fellow soldiers what you have been fighting for!

The earth around you trembles. The sky goes dark. Why? Why has the sky darkened and the ground started shaking? Is it the horde and some evil magic?.............No...........It's the cocoon. The cocoon splits with a beam of light shooting out for miles! The light shoots so far it breaks the atmosphere. Beings from the heavens viewing earth can see this light. You grab your shield hoping to hide behind the great and terrible energy behind this amazing event. Your heart is pounding and your fear levels are off the charts, but you are smiling because you know that what is happening must have been ordained since the beginning of time.

The cocoon splits in half; every thing stops. A 9 foot tall man in white armor is there, he is holding a sword as thick and big as he. His hair blowing back even though all wind has stopped. He goes to speak.

A voice that starts in your mind before it leaves his mouth makes the core of you tremble.

"Warriors. You have fought well. I am now no longer under your protection, but you are now protected by me... my amazing and powerful aura. For I have lived thousands and thousands of years devoting myself to perfection. I have read everything written and everything not written.
I have observed every action that has taken place since the dawn of this planet. I can read your mind, and the mind of those that think about you. I can control the weather, I can move mountains, I can instill hope in your heart and I can instill fear in our enemies. We need not worry EVER AGIAN!

For I am now.......................P E R F L E C T .....................................................................................
...... I mean ...............perfect................................................................................................."

"Um.....guys just give me five more minutes."

He then walks into the cocoon and it shuts.

A soldier in the back speaks-"We are SO screwed."

The Mystery of the third "S"

2007-04-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

Ok.

I admit my writing is weird. In fact it is SO weird that i don't write it down in a way everyone understands. The last post said something about the third "S" in it. That would be the missing letter to the three S's that take place in the morning. _hit, Shower, Shave. HEEHEE. I thought people would know about that one.

Even if you did i can't blame you for missing it. "Scatter type man" is what they should call me.

STM

Signing out

BOAZ!

2007-04-24T11:37:00.001-07:00

One day you will wake up.(write this down) One day you will wake(Are u writing) One day you will wake up, get out of bed and hop into the shower(seriously I'm not even kidding, write this down) One day you will wake up and hop into the shower. You'll do your teeth and shave. You'll do your third "S"(K last chance to start writing) One day you will wake up, get out of bed and hop into the shower. You'll do your teeth and shave. You'll do your third "S". While your there. . . you'll think.
Think about the day before.(K I'm getting to the punch line and your still not writing) .......Ya... you know what forget it. It was a bit off color anyway.

Lets talk about puppies. Or...lets talk about what you think about puppies. (Yeah... thats a great idea, Joe. (thanks)) You guys can comment about what you think about puppies!

No thats boring....hmmmm rules. Three words... you got three words.Place a comment if. . .you can put what three words that come to mind when you here the word-puppy

Joe's anwser:(write this down) Three words the comes to mind when I hear -puppy
1. Puppy
B. Adorable
Five. Mexican Opera (I cheated i used 4 words)

Update by joe.....yjoejoe

2007-04-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

So you stumbled across this blog. Well you'll be kicken your self later. I am not a poet. Lookin for a poem? Go to a blog titled "Jim and Jill's happy haha poems of peace and berry lollipops on a beautifully cloudy day". No... No I'm sorry this is much more serious then poems. This is where souls who have lost all hope dare not go. Cause i just ain't got anything for em. Except maybe to listen to a little story that i cooked up.

Eh khem <--*throat clearing sound*

Freddy was a bum.... A big bum. He liked to do things. Like? Normal things. The kind a normal things that you and I do. Aaaaaaaaaaaand..... So.......uh.....

Hey you know what i like is liqour... that e'll put the hair on a guys chest. That and burritos. Burritos get them intestines moven...Well moving sounds so lame compared to what they actually do do. *shudders* Yeah burritos certainly know how to make the day more interesting.

The first of some stuff to be writin

2007-04-15T02:09:00.000-07:00

It is nice to start this blog now....at 2:10 am. I am in a place right now that allows for outside the box thinking. Which I happen to like. Ok first of I want you to know I am not a someone that like to write. I just like maken my bizarre thoughts poop out. I say poop. Alot. Blog #1 here it comes, the juice.

I like to think of Nuclearastrophysicistologist as the glue that holds this great nation together, because with out them people that them we cant just sit back and trust that people will figure it out for us.

When i was a boy I look at the moon and thought it was followin my car. Um... it was.

I dont know guys I'm friggen tired...