The Wizard of Shib OZ

One day a huge tornado decided to hit a poor ass little town in Kansas. Some chick named Dorthy and her little dog named "To-To" happened to be in the only house that got sucked up the tornado. Instead of the house (and Dorthy) being ripped into millions of pieces, "the powers that be" decided they would send the house into another dimension. The house landed on top of a witch that had no sense of footware fashion. Unfortunately the house missed her shoes. Anywho... Dorthy found out quickly that this dimension wasn't your typical parallel universe gig that writer's that aren't on drugs come up with. No this was the methextacy kinda crap like the Alice in wonder land guy. There were house sized flowers, little gnome punks, Escher architecture, and Europeans. Anyways she found out from some ugly Lollipop guildies that if any one could get her back to her poverty stricken town it would be some wizard in the Emerald City. Which, to get to, she would have to take a yellow brick road there, and pay the lollipop dudes a buck-tree-fity for the info. She met a crack-head Scarecrow that decided to join her on her journey to see the wizard to get off crack once and for all. Shortly after, she met a cool tin art peice of a lumber jack that made noise, but she didn't really have time to stop and check it out, (To-To peed on it). She also came across a lion that scared the crap outta them but the crack-head scarecrow Glocked his ass down. Then they took a break in an opium field and had some good laughs. They hilucinated, seeing flying monkeys. Dorthy had a bad trip and threw some Hydrocloric acid, she was water, on a mailman she thought was a witch. And then finally got to the Emerald City. There she got to meet some nerd projecting himself impersonating a giant floating head (Which is what I think of when I think of a powerful being....). She comes to find it's the "wizard" and they had what she was looking for to get home, back on the feet of the dead witch in the creepy gnome place. So she said frig it I'll just stay here, home sucked anyways. So she started her own opium shop in Emerald City and was successful. The scare crow checked himself into rehab but ended up blowing his brains out because he couldn't take it. To-To met a bulldog that bore him 5 beautiful puppies.

THE END.

Alittle push to keep bloggin.

So I got an invite to blend my shenanigans with some fellow bloggers. Which might inspire me to start writing on this blog some more. Weird how sometimes all you need is a little push when your on the"HIGH WIRE OF NOT BLOGGIN NO MORE"... and thats all it take to send you falling straight down into the "HORRIBLE MAN EATING ZEBRA PIT OF "OK FINE I BLOG AGAINESS".


I think my blog is less about thinking and more just getting the stuff floating around my head out... I less seizures and aneurysms that way. *drools*


So most my new stuff,I'm sure, will be on the new blog with my buddies. It takes a little more thinking then mine... http://tradersargot.blogspot.com/...

Inspired by the creative spirit of writing, for the creative spirit of people that read writing, because with out creative writing we got the dictionary, and useless crap like that...

"I am such a freakin GENIUS of a smart man!"
-Albert Einstien
though no one ever recorded him saying it...I'm sure he said it at least once... or something like.

Call for prayer

I am on the dark side













I need to be on the promised bright side


Kinda hard to see the bright side when the power of darkness is a solidly blocking your veiw.

Searching

When you are lookin for God.
Close your eyes. Stick you fingers in your ears.
Stop breathing. Go numb. Cause every thing is a distraction.

Oldies butt goodies...

So one day you will wake up and find wrinkles hangen from your body like cow utters. Hair will be bulgin outta your ears and nose like Larry's hair from the three stooges. Your adventures now will consist of walking across the street, talking to hooligan teenagers, and playing cards. Looking at yourself naked in the mirror you'll see a striking similarity between yourself and Jabba The Hut before a skin tuck after a Liposuction. People play music to loud for you, but nothing is loud enough for you to understand. BUT!

I saw my friends Tyler and Jen Troutman's infant the other day.

I think this stage of life is abit more scary. I'm glad your memories are erased from this one.

Everything is new. Your five senses even are new. You feal soft and not soft, hot and cold. New sensations now in your life? Could you imagine! All of a sudden God say's "Let there be a new feeling of tempeture...Hot cold warm aaaaannnd Smarfickle" ........Your arms go limp, feel inside out, tickle alot, and also have the opposite of pins and neeedles. Weird right? New senses that's just weird.

Tyler says Boaz(his son) doesn't like baths. Well that's because to him it is new. I would scream if a giant picked me up, stripped me naked, and put me in a white pan full off warm water. It would take sometime to get used to.

They can't hold there own head up. Imagine your head all of a sudden weighing 80 pounds!

They don't even know they control their own hands. They don't even know they are part of their hands. They probably generate a relationship with it before they realize it's part of them. I probably got all pissed at it when i was an infant. "GET OUTTA MY FACE!!! Leave me alone! I'm sucking on you that'll show you."
"aw that feels nice, I love you lets never fight again."

I know, I'm weird right. Seriously think about it though, nothing is familiar.


I take getting old over being an infant any day.

Then I also liked this one...

Hi,

I have heard rumors that people have read my post and not really understood the total and obvious genius behind it. Well maybe not genius in an Einstein sort of way but certainly a Ethel Merman kinda way. I wasn't all ways an Ethel Merman genius or EMG. It all started when I was 6 years of age. *Harp plays and screen waves out into a memory*

Mother enters stage right holding a defrosted dripping wet octopus in one hand and a spaghetti stainer in the other. Joe is on the floor playing with a batter powered ninja turtle remote control car. He is pushing the car manually because the battery is being charged-stage left

Mom: (southern accent)Joeeeeey did yall make sure yu cleaned this room a' yours?
Joe: VVrrrrrrrooom vr Vrooooooooom(car sounds) What mommy? I can't hear you I'm in the Ninja turtle van.
Mom: Cute hun, but if yall dont clean dis gosh durn mess you ain't getting an squanjealii tonight boy.
Joe: Alright mommy I'm just gonna go put in the batteries and then clean room.

Joe goes stage left to unplug the battery charger

Mom: Alrigh Joey, dinner will be ready as soon as this mess is up. Hurry though the family is alread-...

Mother trips on a black jeep hot wheel on the floor, the octopus(dripping wet) goes flying toward the socket and lands on Joe's hand and the copper plug. A wave of purple energy engulfs Joe's left arm, and His right arm still on the Ninja turtle truck has a wave of ooze green energy. The energies clash toward the head region. The sound of electricity is so intense it alarms the people next door. Joe jerks hard then falls to the ground smoking. the power surge end's. The looney toons theme song can faintly be heard coming from a T.V in another room. His eye's open but he is not the same.

*Harp plays and screen waves out of memory* Yeah, if I remember correctly which I'm not sure I do, my EMG started around that time of my life....but anyways I promise I will try and make the next post make sence.

Guys I know I have been depressing to talk to. I hate talking to someone that is smugg and bitter and cranky and spiteful and talking smack about God. I'm also aware most of you come to my blog for a good laugh. It's just really hard to stay funny when your lost and you literally have nothing to bring you back, and God is silent. Worship is like an empty cave. Depression screams for death to claim you. Every decision you make leaves you feeling hopeless. Every word of encouragement is like salt water feeling good temporarily quenching thirst but later drives you crazy. How do I go on? I beg for every heart beet to be my last.

24 and my quest for a personal relationship with Jesus the Christ has left me here now.

I wanna BE FUNNY AGAIN! I wanna lift your spirits when you check my blog. I want my wife to have a normal husband. I need a brake through and I don't know how to began helping myself. He is all I want. I'm sorry for all the crappy blog posts.

Love just beyond my finger tips.

The passion to Love in me is has burnt out my will to live.

A fiery desire to be intimate with my creator has left me black and scared,

Like the tip of a great snow peaked volcano.

Like a rain forest that has had no rain for months,

I wither while every thing inside me suffers.

The desires of my heart will be the death of me.

The beauty I desire is out of my aching hearts reach.

De Los Rios e:imanrtst@hotmail.com

Dear Jesus please show me why I should not quit.