Faith.
What is it?
No one has ever given me the correct answer.
Everyone is so quick to say have faith and nobody can tell me what faith is.
The substance of things hoped for?
What in the name of John Mcfatty does that mean.
If that is what faith is then, SUBSTANCE, by definition is a noun.
Everyone tells me it is a verb.
I don't know.
I have never scene the fruit of faith.
I have scene the fruit of Love, and of hope.
Not faith though.

I am standing on the brink of life and death.
All of my hope for life is totally out of my hands and in His.
I Love others but it isn't nearly enough to keep me from wanting to live another day.
Faith in all things has let me down.
God though...
I don't know.

Beauty has escaped me. I have settled for less and got less.
I have aloud myself to go down a path that I thought would have at least some earthly reward.
I am not seeing any.
So if any of you people out there in blog world have a solution.
Tell me.
What is it I gotta do to get out of this jam I am in.
To give you a good idea of where I am at.
Nothing is beyond me as far as where my minds filth and perversive nature goes.
I am lost with no compass or map.
Every attempt to get close to God is like taking a hammer to my body soul and spirit.
My heart literally hurts.
The pleasures of life are gone.
It's like I already lost my mind, like I am already crazy, and God sat by and watched my pursuit of a relationship git tore up and ravaged by anything and everything.
Even the pursuit itself.