Oldies butt goodies...

So one day you will wake up and find wrinkles hangen from your body like cow utters. Hair will be bulgin outta your ears and nose like Larry's hair from the three stooges. Your adventures now will consist of walking across the street, talking to hooligan teenagers, and playing cards. Looking at yourself naked in the mirror you'll see a striking similarity between yourself and Jabba The Hut before a skin tuck after a Liposuction. People play music to loud for you, but nothing is loud enough for you to understand. BUT!

I saw my friends Tyler and Jen Troutman's infant the other day.

I think this stage of life is abit more scary. I'm glad your memories are erased from this one.

Everything is new. Your five senses even are new. You feal soft and not soft, hot and cold. New sensations now in your life? Could you imagine! All of a sudden God say's "Let there be a new feeling of tempeture...Hot cold warm aaaaannnd Smarfickle" ........Your arms go limp, feel inside out, tickle alot, and also have the opposite of pins and neeedles. Weird right? New senses that's just weird.

Tyler says Boaz(his son) doesn't like baths. Well that's because to him it is new. I would scream if a giant picked me up, stripped me naked, and put me in a white pan full off warm water. It would take sometime to get used to.

They can't hold there own head up. Imagine your head all of a sudden weighing 80 pounds!

They don't even know they control their own hands. They don't even know they are part of their hands. They probably generate a relationship with it before they realize it's part of them. I probably got all pissed at it when i was an infant. "GET OUTTA MY FACE!!! Leave me alone! I'm sucking on you that'll show you."
"aw that feels nice, I love you lets never fight again."

I know, I'm weird right. Seriously think about it though, nothing is familiar.


I take getting old over being an infant any day.

Then I also liked this one...

Hi,

I have heard rumors that people have read my post and not really understood the total and obvious genius behind it. Well maybe not genius in an Einstein sort of way but certainly a Ethel Merman kinda way. I wasn't all ways an Ethel Merman genius or EMG. It all started when I was 6 years of age. *Harp plays and screen waves out into a memory*

Mother enters stage right holding a defrosted dripping wet octopus in one hand and a spaghetti stainer in the other. Joe is on the floor playing with a batter powered ninja turtle remote control car. He is pushing the car manually because the battery is being charged-stage left

Mom: (southern accent)Joeeeeey did yall make sure yu cleaned this room a' yours?
Joe: VVrrrrrrrooom vr Vrooooooooom(car sounds) What mommy? I can't hear you I'm in the Ninja turtle van.
Mom: Cute hun, but if yall dont clean dis gosh durn mess you ain't getting an squanjealii tonight boy.
Joe: Alright mommy I'm just gonna go put in the batteries and then clean room.

Joe goes stage left to unplug the battery charger

Mom: Alrigh Joey, dinner will be ready as soon as this mess is up. Hurry though the family is alread-...

Mother trips on a black jeep hot wheel on the floor, the octopus(dripping wet) goes flying toward the socket and lands on Joe's hand and the copper plug. A wave of purple energy engulfs Joe's left arm, and His right arm still on the Ninja turtle truck has a wave of ooze green energy. The energies clash toward the head region. The sound of electricity is so intense it alarms the people next door. Joe jerks hard then falls to the ground smoking. the power surge end's. The looney toons theme song can faintly be heard coming from a T.V in another room. His eye's open but he is not the same.

*Harp plays and screen waves out of memory* Yeah, if I remember correctly which I'm not sure I do, my EMG started around that time of my life....but anyways I promise I will try and make the next post make sence.